The Howling III: The Marsupials (1987)

You know, when I was a small boy I was afraid of the dark. And do you know why I was afraid of the dark? In fact it was because of a tree outside my window which cast a shadow on my wall that looked like a witch. It was not, however, because kangaroo werewolves were trying to… have happy families in the middle of the woods with people who they fell in love with on the set of a movie with no plot which took a day to shoot and all along trying to stay as far away from strobe lights as possibly because that made them have hairy pelvises and noses which made them look not unlike a large pig. Terrifying I know, but still not a good basis for a movie.

Perhaps it isn't a good basis for a horror movie, but that didn't stop someone from making it, because the terrifying beast just described was the basis for Howling III. The movie begins in a camp of these things, all in human form, and a girl having an argument with a guy for some unspecified reason. She runs away and finds herself in Sydney, Australia, where she is stumbled upon by someone affiliated with a movie being filmed. He, it turns out, becomes her love interest (after getting past the whole, you know, kangaroo werewolf thing). But she is taken to the movie set, where the director hapazardly tosses her in. What is the movie about? It's anyone's guess, but there is an after party anyway which has…STROBE LIGHTS!!! I know, heaven forbid. However, these seemingly innocent lights are actually tools of the devil, created to turn innocent werebeasts from humans to giant hairy things. Well, whether the fellow who picked her up knows this or not, or maybe he is just under a spell, or maybe he is just stupid, he has sex with her anyway.

That just doesn't go over well with her werekangaroo friends who come to find her, several of them…dressed as nuns. Why nuns? I have no idea. But nuns or no nuns they lay waist to a hospital where she is being studied. Studied that is, after a scientist from America comes over to look at her, since she was found unconscious. Well she makes it out anyway, but those darned werewolves will not be stopped, and neither will the scientists who decide, since the first werekangaroo broke out they should of course go and catch a bigger, stronger one.

They do, and he breaks out just like the last one, and takes a bunch of people with him, but then the story gets a little convoluted (yes, more so than before) because, you see, apparently a dancer in Sydney is also a werekangaroo, also sees strobe lights, and also is caught. But you see, just as the random movie guy was taken by a werekangaroo, so is the American scientist (oh, those kangaroo hormones) and they run off with their respective hairy women to live in the woods. Apparently a group of hunters just wont stand for that, and try to catch them, only to end up having to tangle with a guy painted white…yeah, some guy painted white.

Needless to say, they end up surviving the hunt, and, after about the most disturbing scene I have witnessed in a movie where a werekangaroo gives berth to a little worm-like thing which climbs into her pouch (naturally she has a pouch) and grows to become a beautiful werekangaroo girl. They eventually leave the forrest to become famous in hollywood, and we are left with one of them having their picture take and the flashing lights turn her into a werekangaroo again.

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