Frogs

The second amphibious film to be added to my collection (see CANE TOADS). Essentially a mansion in the bayou, owned by a rich somebody-or-other, is invaded by various swamp creatures (frogs, snakes, lizards, alligators, and—most preciously—snapping turtles). The various guests of this mansion are killed off one by one as the swamp creatures seek their revenge. The film is plagued by horrible dialogue which bogs (no pun intended) more than it entertains, but the movie is completely redeemed by perhaps the dumbest deaths I have ever seen in a “horror” flick. I’ll recount the ones I remember most vividly:

1. Guy gets killed by moss. Yup. First, of course, he shoots himself in the leg with his shotgun. He gets covered and tangled in moss and then bitten by poisonous spiders. The end.

2. Old annoying woman goes into the swamp collecting butterflies. She’s an idiot and walks right past several butterflies in plain sight, going deeper and deeper into the swamp. Once far enough away, she’s surrounded by various snakes and other nasty critters (including, my favorite, baby alligators). She tries to run away but almost chokes herself on—get this—more moss! Unlike the previous idiot, she escapes the vegetation but still manages to fall flat on her face where she is eventually bitten by a snake. The end.

3. Death by snapping turtle. Now, this is one damn big snapping turtle, so have a little respect. Many fans of the film regard this as their favorite death, and it’s good. A woman runs to the shore of a river and gets her feet stuck in the mud. Snapping turtle then approaches and snaps her. The end.

4. I, however, vastly find death by poison to be the most hilarious of the film. A playboy type goes into a greenhouse to pick some flowers for the annoying old woman from #2. Unfortunately for him, he’s followed by about a dozen lizards who quietly shut the door behind him. The lizards then begin knocking over (open!) vials labeled “POISON.” The spilled liquid begins releasing its noxious fumes and our brilliant human walks up to the spilled poison and inhales it directly! He then stumbles around and dies—covered by lizards. The end.

So there you have it, FROGS in a nut shell. The real kicker is that the frogs never kill a damn thing. Rather, they are always present when the other animals are killed and are inter cut with normal scenes every 2 minutes (I’m guessing as a way to heighten tension, cuz nothing is more tense than croaking frogs). This leads me to a Marxist argument that the frogs and the other creatures represent a division of labor. The frogs are of course the “designers,” the contemplators, and the lizards, snakes, etc. are the ones who do the actual work of killing what must be the dumbest humans alive.

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